Friday 30 May 2014

The Memory Museum

It might seem accurate to infer that the human mind is parallel with a museum. The mind latches onto remnants of the past, as a museum stores authentic artifacts. But the mind is the criminal of museums because its objects lack verification. Making matters worse, the mind not only displays what it desires to display, but it also displays what it does not desire to display. What does that make the mind? The mind is a haphazard museum; the chaos extends beyond the control of self.

There is a certain cruelty to memory. Truly, the mind is more similar to a cemetery than a museum. Letters written and received between friends are like epitaphs. And looking at photographs is like searching under tombstones. What do I have if I have a letter from you? Or a photograph of you? I mistaken the remnants as wholeness. I pretend that you are here. Yet nothing within me can cause me to truly fall for the delusion I set before myself. My foolishness seems indefinite though. I am unable to get over you. I refuse to accept any conclusions. I refuse to move on as I wrap my arms around the monument.

Ecclesiastes 7:10 Do not say, “Why is it that the former days were better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask about this.

Saturday 17 May 2014

Grecian Isle

Why does every god look like the same god to me? I had never thought about that until this evening - every god looks like the same god. The gods merely drag me by the feet and lend me over to melancholy. If you will only worship what ceases to disappoint you, then you will find nothing to worship. If I worship humans, I worship flesh and blood - close and fragile. If I worship a supernatural being, I worship what is incomprehensible - distant and eternal. Worshiping humans feels awe-inspiring. And when other humans worship me? Well, that makes for a good day. O God, I understand that it is vanity. I understand that the feelings are fleeting. But do you understand that I am so empty without their praises? Why do my idols refuse to idolize me? It is because I have turned them into statues. They cannot idolize me because my praises have immobilized them. It would be foolish for me to ask why idols cannot properly take the place which you hold. But God, why I am unable to worship you endlessly and bask in endless awe?

Tuesday 13 May 2014

O God

O God, why must I be impotent when I desire freedom? O God, why must I be affected by the plight of Adam and Eve? O God, why does my mind reach beyond reality? O God, why do I lose my appetite when your daily bread is placed before me? O God, why does my soul cease to starve? O God, why are your messengers so dreadful? O God, why must it be a cross that I must bear?



/// painting: Sebastiano del Piombo ///

Friday 9 May 2014

Relations

The LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and he was grieved in his heart. It is with much uncertainty that I ask "what was God's existence like before creation?" Did God create out of loneliness? Was he in need of the company of Adam? Or the company of Eve? Surely he was not in need of planets? Surely he was not begging to be worshiped? The verse from Genesis is profound because it not only makes me wonder about the past of God, but it also makes me think about relations.

Relations are, at least in a sense, pathways that lead to evil. This is not to be mistaken with the inference that relations are evil; I am merely asserting that without relations, evil could not be committed. Let us begin by looking at the human subject. The human can only commit evil through the recognition of separate objects. Recognition itself is a form of relation because it is an act of acknowledgement toward objects that are separate from oneself - this is achieved through consciousness. Without the recognition of separate objects, the human would be unable to commit evil. If the human was to begin in a state of true isolation, they could only direct their consciousness toward themselves. And by doing so, they would be unable to commit evil or even good for that matter, because there would be absolutely no authority outside of their own self. The only exception to this claim would be the possibility of the human conjuring up what is "good" and what is "evil" for themselves, but this would be virtually useless since these moral standards would not extend to any object outside of their own existence. Ultimately, God creates moral standards that the human ought to adhere to, thus when the human commits evil acts, these acts are made as bad relations toward God; the human is intended to relate to God through good relations.

When Lucifer gave up his identity as an angel, he did this through the recognition of his own pride and also God's majesty. When Peter denied Jesus, he did this out of a sense of shame for being a Christ follower - he denied the very thing he once followed, the very thing he once had a divine relation to. When the human commits evil, they hurt God. It is because of the relation that the human has with God, since they are one of his creations, that they are able to commit evil in his eyes.

Perhaps God can commit no evil because he once existed on his own? God was once without relations, in true isolation - this was his starting point. This was the starting point that the human never had. This is the starting point that the human lusts after.

Monday 5 May 2014

The Fear of Self

I think about the caves with the mysterious green pools, the dangling measures of sharpness, the hours of blackness, the minutes of light, the echos. And I think about the mouths with the glue-esque saliva, the clattering teeth, the partial vacuity, the lack of visibility, the evil utterances. Caves are mouths of outward nature and mouths are caves of outward human identity. Outward nature and outward human identity seem to place me in a position where I must become an archaeologist of consciousness. In the cave of outward nature, the dominance topples over me. Bats flying over head, cutting my ankles on the stone, my body becoming colder as the mist surrounds, the helplessness of being held inside. My intentions become meaningless. No motion on my behalf can overcome the dominance - there is no ability that is of help. With my recognition toward the cave of outward identity, I scramble to chisel all of the evil out and hide the scraps by burying them under the saliva. My regrets echo while my redemption makes no sound. My identity as a human is plagued by intentional motion - my ability is of bad meaning. Whether I am under the control of the mouth of outward nature or controlling the cave of my outward human identity, the fear of self becomes present in both situations. I either become fearful because of my lack of ability or I become fearful because of my ability. It is the same end with differing means.

Friday 2 May 2014

The Pendulum Existence

My new album The Pendulum Existence is now on the world wide web! You can download the album for free by clicking the link below.

http://stiltstoheaven.bandcamp.com/