Saturday 28 December 2013

I Am

I am the child
the soul that enters in pain
My mind acknowledges no exit

And never did I think of home
for I was never away
Merely an offspring of your pain

I am the son
and I know my place
Knowing that I am inside

Inside, I will inflict my malice

And I know that I must leave
but I don't know where the exit leads

I am the man
and in pain I will make my exit

Thursday 26 December 2013

question of the day ...

Is compassion only brought to life when the truth is laid to rest?

Wednesday 25 December 2013

Jen, You Win

What is persuading us that all of this is real? The most mechanical of actions are found glistening under radiant lights: natural landscapes, romance, bad times, music, conversation, recreation, fun times, love. What has made us believe that these objects, actions and moments are genuine though? What truly makes something real? And what if real is not real, after all?

Does genuineness exist? If so, what is the origin of genuineness? Can a material object obtain genuineness? If a material object can obtain genuineness, can it somehow lose that characteristic? If the material object can lose that characteristic, can it gain that characteristic back? Is genuineness subjective or absolute?

I would like to return to one of the questions I asked in the first paragraph. "What has made us believe that these objects, actions and moments (romance, fun times, music, conversation, love, etc) are genuine...?" More specifically, what has made us believe that human beings are genuine? My intention is not to sound cruel, but is a human anything more than just skin and bones romping around? 

Recently, I have found the ever changing moments of each day to be quite astounding. For example, I could be staring at a painting hanging on a wall and nothing is stopping me from seeing that painting. But all of a sudden, somebody enters the room and stands in front of the painting, and now I cannot see the work of art. Only seconds ago, I could see the art with such clarity and now I cannot. The art still exists and so does the human obstructing my vision from seeing the art, but it seems as though the human has a dominant position over the art. And perhaps that is a remnant of the evidence that asserts that humans are genuine: we can hold a dominant position over other objects, both living and non-living.

Life is similar to a collage, in the sense that it is composed of layers upon layers, and the pieces of paper all die away. Although, collages usually contain elements that are not normally associated with one another. But in the case of human existence, there is this static physicality that is inevitable.

Assuming that humans are genuine, is genuineness created by an immaterial and external source and inherited by humans, or is genuineness created by humans in and of themselves? If it is created by an immaterial and external source, then how does that external source define genuineness? If it is created by humans, then how do humans define genuineness?

When I say immaterial and external source, I am referring to God. I am asserting that God creates genuineness and allows people to inherit that characteristic. I do not think that we as people have the ability to create genuineness, nor do I think that we should attempt to define genuineness. I have yet to believe that humankind has a single objective to offer, apart from mounds of unsatisfying subjectivity.

To be honest, I still do not know what genuineness is and I still do not know what the objective is (though the objective was only mentioned very briefly). But I do believe that they can be found. I have been asking myself the past few weeks, "Why do I believe that there is an objective and why do I believe that God exists?" I have yet to find answers to those questions too.

Question marks are shaped like ears, yet we rarely hear any answers. Shapes of sounds, shapes of visuals, it is all so puzzling. And these are not just abstract ideas that I am talking about. These are the conversations that we immerse ourselves into, the fun times, the ideas we have about love, the music we hear, the skies we stare at, the eyes we stare into. Is there genuineness within this carnival of shifting shapes?

Monday 23 December 2013

As For My Conscience

Where are you hiding? Why should I lose my voice when you refuse to articulate? No stained glass eyes to stare into, no words to appease my eardrums, no soul to love. Then again, I do not love souls to begin with. I have nothing to give but my begging. My feet show that I touch the world, while the cracks in the sidewalks reveal that I do not walk as a saint ought to walk. Her hair flows much like that of rivers, as my head becomes washed up by the currents. You see, we are currently unsettled while setting off toward the future. As for my conscience, it rests in its berth.

Saturday 21 December 2013

defiance is dead

What exactly are you gravitating toward? The idea of being "yourself" or "individualistic" seems completely irrational to me. You are so blatantly opposed to the idea of conformity that you choose to conform to the idea of opposition. Then again, opposition is more than just an idea, for it can also come through action and the same goes for conformity. But did you, in and of yourself, create opposition? If not, then where does opposition come from? Where does conformity come from? As far as I am concerned, it is absolutely impossible for somebody to not be influenced by external forces. Nobody has lived in a world where they were completely alone. Even when Adam was apart from Eve, God existed, light existed, darkness existed, water existed and so forth (Genesis chapter 1). In terms of human existence, "uniqueness" is a Utopian idea. What exactly are you running away from?

Tuesday 17 December 2013

Feel Like More?

Is it fair to compare any experience on earth to heaven? Is it fair to compare any experience on earth to hell? It seems a lot more polite to say "the rays of sun feel like heaven" than "this is going to be one hell of a winter." But are either of these statements pleasing to God?

We are not in heaven, nor are we in hell. But I do not want to assume that nobody experiences heaven or hell on earth, whether it only lasts for a fleeting moment, or occurs on numerous occasions.

Why did I write this? I am wondering ... why do people use these particular words to describe pleasure or pain?

Monday 16 December 2013

Spin Glass

1 John 3:2-3
Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

Though his children are not who they ought to be, God still welcomes them with open arms. Not to say that his children are not figuring out who they ought to be, but they have not reached the absolute point. They cannot reach the absolute point because the earth is not absolute - the world is dying. Heaven, the true home of God, is where the children will reach the absolute point because Heaven is absolute. But is Heaven the objective? Well, it is God's home, I think? Heaven is eternal fellowship with God. That seems like it would be something worth striving toward, does it not? It sickens me when I hear questions like "would you still love Jesus if you did not get to go to Heaven?" I understand what the question is saying - do not "worship" God for the sake of wanting to obtain something out of your own selfish desires. I do not think that the question is bad all around, but I sense some fallacies within it. If you are going to take Heaven out of the equation, then you must be willing to make other cancellations. Did Jesus not die so that people could have eternal fellowship with God (Heaven), and avoid eternal separation from God (Hell) (Matthew 25:46)? I do not want to assume that these are the only reasons why he would die on the cross, but I sure think that these are some of the reasons (Romans 6:23). If Heaven is going to be taken out of the equation, then what exactly would be the purpose of Jesus' life on earth? Where would God exist if Heaven did not exist?

Now, getting back to the question "is Heaven the objective?" As disappointing as it may be, I do not have an answer to share. I can only provide what I have already provided: the aforementioned observations. I did not expect to come to a conclusion. Moving on ...

I have been wrestling with the fact that I do not completely trust anybody's interpretation of God. I have not seen God just as he is ... and nobody else has either. And now it makes sense - my problem - because I do not know the Solution in its completeness. God, I have not felt so mirthful about my lack of knowledge in quite awhile! All it takes is the hope to purify us. Pure ... and pure ... and .... PURE. Now is not the time for absolute truth though, because we live under limited restraints such as ... well, time. It will come though. And that is not my promise to you, but that is God's promise to us.

1 Corinthians 13:12
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.

***I have yet to see a verse in the Bible that actually says that Heaven is God's home. That is more of a personal viewpoint than anything else, or rather, a finite piece of the imagination. Please correct me if I am wrong - I very well could be.

album of the day





Saturday 14 December 2013

your name

I have become so irascible. I am the one who cries out with such pity and helplessness. I have enough blood on my hands for evidence. A mouth of emptiness, and teeth like knives. But do not touch the evidence, because blood is dangerous! Yet, it is inside of all bodies.

I do not want to say your name anymore because I am so ... put under. And that is not because of drugs, for I am sober. I do not deserve to say your name. Do not let me say your name. Please, do not let me say your name.

And now, I am building towers to heaven and watching the walls crumble. I remember when I used to not care about building the towers, and my hands seemingly built them anyway. I build without acknowledging and I acknowledge without building. Some say that works will lead you to the heavens. Others say that works will not lead you to the heavens.

How can I eventually spend an eternity with you, when I cannot spend a day with you now?

God, I do not think that I love you.

Friday 13 December 2013

The Disillusionment of Volatile Filigree

Who ever told you that the truth would be understood by everybody? I propose that in the mind of many, perhaps in the back of the mind, many would assert that for something to be "true" it must be agreed on by all people. Of course with such a logic, many would also assert that absolute truth does not exist, and then proceed to use subjectivity as a defense. They have to run to that shelter because they know that it is impossible for everybody to agree on what "the truth" is in actuality. To call seven billion people over to your side only amounts to a vanity ridden wish. What evidence do you have to support that you are on the right side anyway? You will cry with such pity and helplessness, only to use your weakest defense: personal and finite opinion. Is human evidence good evidence to begin with?

Some people are deaf to the sound of music. Are others deaf to the sound of God's voice? There are physical objects in front of me right now. I see audio speakers, Tylenol, drawings, a textbook, a computer. If I close my eyes and begin to see phantasmagorical shapes instead of the physical objects I just saw, does that indicate that the physical objects are no longer real? No, it does not. It only means that I am in a place of not observing those objects. If observation is lacking, it does not indicate that the reality of the objects is lacking. It simply indicates that reality is not being perceived and embraced by my physical sight. My memory still recalls those objects even when I am not looking at them. Why is that?

Are colors real? Can colors not be trusted as being authentic because those who are color blind cannot see them? Why should those people believe that colors are real? Why should those who "see color" believe that they are real? Who are the deceivers and who are the deceived? I have no answers to provide for these questions.

It is a quarter to 1:00 AM and I am unsure of how to conclude this. The truth cannot be entirely based on what you see, nor can it be entirely based on what you cannot see, for the truth cannot be limited by the wandering or the restfulness of the eyes. To quote Timothy Speed Levitch: "Our eyesight is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it. Matter is here as a test for our curiosity. Doubt is here as an exam for our vitality."

Tuesday 10 December 2013

God Called in Sick Today

Let's admire the pattern forming
Murderous filigree
I'm caught in the twisting of the vine
Go ascend with ivy climbing
Ignore and leave for me the headstone crumbling behind
I can't help my laughter as she cries
My soul brings tears to angelic eyes
Let's amend the classic story, close it so beautifully
I'll let animosity unwind
Steal away the darkened pages, hidden so shamefully
I'll still feel the violence of the lines
I can't stand my laughter as they cry
My soul brings tears to angelic eyes
And miles away my mother cries
Omnipotence, nurturing malevolence

Sunday 8 December 2013

...to the Overdramatic

Melodrama and writing appear to be some of my only carapaces right now. Both bony and prone to being destroyed, they are not entirely distant from external threats. That is not the purpose in which I write or act in a melodramatic fashion though. I do neither for the sake of witnessing the inevitable outcome, which is destruction, but I write and act because I witness destruction. And it is not so much based on personal experience as it is based on observation. But then again, what person would I be if I were to make no observations? Such reminders cannot seem to slip away from my mind.

Pleonasm and I hold hands whilst walking down memory lane. And who said I was anything short of being a romantic? I know I am not that tall, but come on now.

Narcissism, my inner vixen / Quarreling vision / Quarantined prism / more of the vision / Vision ... vision / Red fox and female / nothing short of some themed mail / deemed male / and ironic like a true Tale.

All this to say ... my melodrama cannot help me now. My writing cannot help me now. My prayers cannot help me now. I have lost sight of anything that can help me now and forever.

Saturday 7 December 2013

Wreck and Sailed


It is not a matter of me having trouble admitting this to myself. If I were to have the thought about THAT, and proceed to say that I could not "admit this to myself" than I would be lying. I cannot say that "I am having trouble admitting this to myself" because the very act of making such a statement suggests that I simply do not want to admit, which I am doing. If you recognize the trouble of admitting, you have admitted. I am admitting. I am admitting. I am admitting. On the other hand, I am obstructed from finding reconciliation. That is the predicament! I have admitted, but I have not found reconciliation. What drives me to stay awake? I dream of the morning at night. That headache, those potential red marks under my eyes, the ache in my bones. Understand that I do not like what I do. I may do things because I once liked them, but that does not mean that I like them in the present moment. I am not you, and that is rather saddening. But if I cannot be you, who can I be? I am nothing in and of myself. I have the opportunity to make my world empty by choice, but if the world were made empty by default ... then who would I be? Who would you be? Who would God be? I doubt God would exist at all. No, let me rephrase that: I doubt anything would exist at all, if God did not exist. I have heard and recognized the profound aspect of others mourning, even my own mourning. But I have rarely heard or witnessed profound joy, in the way that I have witnessed profound sadness. Does that mean that joy is shallow for many? Does that mean that joy is so profound that it cannot be properly explained? It has been awhile since I have used writing as a medium to express joy. Why is that? I find joy in shallow objects. Perhaps not all of the objects themselves are shallow, but perhaps my observations of the objects are juvenile at best. Even when people express their joy of God, it is so predictable. They quote verses from The Bible - the Holy Book - God's words and not their own words. I have done the same, so know that I am not attempting to raise anarchy - there does not need to be even more internet activism, and Kony 2012 is proof of that. What am I getting at? I do not know. At least, I do not know right now. We make proclamations when we hear from God, but we hide when we listen to God.

Thursday 5 December 2013

Hour of Iniquity

I have found myself to be rather fascinated by the crucifixion of Christ lately,
and this poem is about Judas Iscariot. 


My hour of iniquity has come
and I would trade 30 for 24
There is no grace after my guilt
as I look toward the skies

Today will not end
in feelings of emptiness
For emptiness will end
the days of my life

I cannot speak from the heart
Nor can I open my mouth
The openness of the noose
can only speak for me

My hour of iniquity has come
and it is the last hour I shall live
as I walk toward the field

Sunday 1 December 2013

Arguments

Before Jesus' crucifixion took place, he did not even argue against the false accusations from the chief priests and elders (Matthew 27:12). Are your arguments worthwhile? Are mine?

The Glow

A fondness grown out of displacement
Ephemeral appeal as we keep our distance
You would hold no place for me
If you held a place inside my head

I will be found in a room
whilst swooning over space
And under the heavens
I will be found holding all the stars

Stars do not glow
they only know a Glow

Our hands like roots
whilst running through the sidewalks

They will do all they can
to keep us from growing together

Would you hold a place for me
if I let you inside my head?

Do not let our hands grow asunder
Please, do not let our hands grow asunder

Saturday 30 November 2013

Longimanus Artaxerxes I

What defines a man? Imminence and waiting are less parallel than I would like to imagine. How often is the desired outcome undoubtedly coming my way? I feel uncomfortably somnolent right now. The outcome exists inside the mind, but the mind does not exist outside the self. Then again, perhaps the outcome was observed from a place that was outside the mind at some point in space and time, making the mind nothing more than a butterfly net. Yes, that makes enough sense for now. To quote René Descartes - "I think; therefore I am." Question! What is more vexatious: overzealous atheists or overzealous theists? Hold on for just a second though - I would not be, if it were not for God. At the very least, there is a possibility that the mind exists outside the body, because God exists outside my body and I am nothing in and of myself. What defines a woman?

Friday 29 November 2013

The Ontological Argument

This is Alvin Plantinga's version of the ontological argument - in a restated format.

I discovered it through the following video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO-bTsMZQFQ&list=PL48F0C019551ADD08

1. It is possible that a maximally great being exists.

2. If it is possible that a maximally great being exists, then a maximally great being exists in some possible world.

3. If a maximally great being exists in some possible world, then it exists in every possible world.

4. If a maximally great being exists in every possible world, then it exists in the actual world.

5. If a maximally great being exists in the actual world, then a maximally great being exists.

6. Therefore, a maximally great being exists.

Wednesday 27 November 2013

Excruciation

The thought keeps on coming back to me "What made Jesus' death the most painful?" Crucifixion may be very uncommon now, and was even removed from the Roman Empire in 337, yet it still happens in places such as Saudi Arabia. What made Jesus' crucifixion more painful than any other human's extreme case(s) of suffering?

My initial answer would be something along the lines of: "Jesus was separated from the Father, and was the only human to truly go through Hell on earth." Was Jesus separated from God, the father? 


John 10:28-30 says ...and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

If Jesus and the Father are one, than how could they be separated? That being said, there is also the verse in Matthew 27 that reads About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

I highly doubt that Jesus was simply being melodramatic, and that it only felt like God had forsaken him. Jesus was forsaken by God. Why? Jesus went through Hell so that we could avoid it. When I say Hell I do not mean suffering on earth - our suffering only equates to being shards of Hell. And as Romans 8:18 tells us, For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

But if Jesus went through Hell for us, than why do we suffer at all? Is Hell the origin of suffering? If it is, does that mean that it is sinful to suffer? Does that mean that it is sinful to feel pain?

How can earth be like Heaven (Matthew 6:10) when we suffer? Revelation 21:3 seems to suggest that suffering is not present in Heaven ... And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

Earth will never be like Heaven. It just cannot be ... can it? Is suffering outside of God's will? 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 says:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

Nowhere in this does it say that suffering is outside of God's will. I suppose it should be quite obvious to me that pain is not outside of God's will, since Jesus was crucified on the cross. But my real question ... is it wrong to suffer now? Is it wrong to feel pain now? I have such trouble picturing God having sympathy for us - I doubt that God still hurts for us, that God still understands. If Jesus really did suffer the most painful death, than why would God feel sorry for us now? Why should he? I find all of this to be quite spiritually crippling. I fear that God does not want us to feel, that God has no sympathy for our hurting, that it is overly melodramatic to say that we are suffering. Perhaps we don't even really suffer at all. God may just be shaking his head at all of us. He does not care, he just wants us to get over it. Simple as that. I do not want to believe that, but a part of me does believe that.

It seems like the question has already been answered. SUFFERING IS NOT FREAKING WRONG, GRAHAM. IT WAS NOT WRONG THEN, IT IS NOT WRONG NOW, IT WILL NOT BE WRONG IN THE FUTURE. STOP IT!

I have trouble accepting that as an answer though. I have such trouble believing that God understands, that God cares, that we have felt enough pain to say that we are suffering. Is suffering just having pity on ourselves? Is that what God thinks? Does he want us to be emotionally neutral at all times?  I do not know, I just cannot bring myself to believe in a God that is still caring. What has stopped me from reaching that point?

Monday 25 November 2013

Sacred Stones

Are many people under the impression that life and death are sacred? I am under the impression that many people do hold those beliefs. But which of the two do people believe as being more sacred? I suppose I should also ask: are either of them really sacred? I never thought of sacredness as being accessible to all humans. Maybe accessible is not the right word to use? Perhaps what I mean to say is: I never thought of sacredness as being accessed by all humans.

And life and death are accessed by all existing humans. Every human is of course alive, and every human must also die. It is not even a matter of choice - once you are in, YOU ARE IN.

There is a common quote that says "everyone loves you when you are dead."

Is love attached to sacredness? When somebody dies, they receive a funeral - or do they? Who is really receiving the funeral - the audience or the soul that left the world? Death, to some, is an existence. To others, death is an exit.

I did not intend to find an answer through writing this. Therefore, I must ask ... why do people believe that life and death are sacred?


* Painting by Martin Wittfooth

Friday 22 November 2013

Firsthand and Seconds Away

If you're going to let me down, would you at least do it with some ease? There's no knowing how long the hallway of life may be. Every soul has the chance to see light and darkness, but time ultimately exists in His hands. Life is like a dark hallway - not pitch black, but dark nonetheless; a progression toward a visible glow. Or at least, a progression toward a visible representation of the Glow, but not the Glow in and of itself. What I mean to say is, a physical progression toward the representation - we can see the representation, but not God in his fullness (John 1:18). God is the Glow - yet to be seen by those on the Earth. Not to be seen on the Earth, but to be seen in the Heavens.

This isn't to say that every life is a walk toward the Glow. But I believe in the opportunity to walk toward the Glow, and that's what I'm after (so I think). Ask God what I'm after, He knows better than I do. I think that everybody has that opportunity. That's for God to say though.

I forgot to mention: pictures. Pictures hang on the walls. Memories that stand inside of frames. Not just stand - but shout, scream, jump, reach, hold, listen. Listen ... but maybe, maybe a person cannot accurately see memories until they are approaching death? But that is only a mystery. Only a mystery ... mysteries are what drive people to search! What do you mean "only mysteries?" You're lame. I know.

To be carried down the hallway, and glance at everything that once was. While the carrier has cold feet, my hands are burning, for I only hang onto air. These empty fists that burn with failed expectations.

I was inspired through this video to write some of the things which I wrote ...

Thursday 21 November 2013

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Observing the vast amount of objects in existence has the ability to make a person lonely. People are lonely because the earth is crowded. How ironic is that? Maybe it is not as ironic as I would like to think. Could loneliness exist without crowdedness? Could crowdedness exist without loneliness? What do you know, I am drawing comparisons again. It is like I stated earlier: it is all about comparisons. What am I trying to say here? I am not quite sure. I ... uh (straightens tie) ... just wanted to talk about loneliness. But there is a reason that I wanted to talk about loneliness. I do not believe that anything "just is" - with the exception of God - HE IS. I think it is important that we ask ourselves: why are we lonely?

Wednesday 20 November 2013

Godspace

Oh my God, my mind is elsewhere ... but what is elsewhere? Else + where = many places, away from where my mind ought to be. Yes, I do believe that there is a place where my mind is intended to be. /God's intentions/ Then again, what is the mind? Would there be a mind without a brain? What would my mind be if I had nothing to sense? Or at the very least, nothing for my mind to physically sense. Let us imagine that there were no objects to occupy the space inside my mind - would this indicate that I did not have a mind? Perhaps the mind is nothing on its own. Perhaps the mind is a home to every single observation made and reserved. But how did that home come about? Did society make my mind? No, it did not. God made my mind, and although objects obtained through society may linger inside my mind, it is intended to be God's space. As I have mentioned before, I think the two ultimate creators are God and Satan. God made the space ... but why? My eyes have shied away from the pages written for me, and as time melts away, my vigor dies along with it.

Monday 18 November 2013

Crumbling

To breathe the air, to crumble, to build, and study from personal experience, all while holding this inner intention of finding meaning in life? A study of rivers, of tales, of events that flowed through you. Or, quite possibly, events that flowed through others to you. Or ... to search for the meaning of life itself, without apparent action, so you can learn what breathing is, so you can learn how to crumble, and how to build? A study of self, apart from the intention of glorifying the self. Instead, a discovery of an inner brokenness, with the intent of finding a builder. But does the builder look upon either with fondness? Who does God see with favour? Many do not want love, but admiration. Some live so they can know how to ponder, and some ponder so they can know how to live. In the end though, God does not like anybody.

Come, Parisians

Did I find an answer in regards to my questions about comparisons?

Few things will steal your joy faster than comparing yourself to others. You'll either become prideful and unkind, or insecure and unhappy.
- Mattie Montgomery

Sunday 17 November 2013

Blades of Silence

...She never thought that sharpness could heal dullness. It was only until she thought to herself as the days grow dull, the pains of sharpness lose their power that she could dance with such liberty. The unknown monotony that only conjures up circular arguments. Sharpness is an occasional agent - never intended to be brought to life every single day. If sharpness is brought to life every single day, then sharpness becomes another kind of dullness. Dullness is a matter of repetition. Does the darkened casket laying in the field ascend when dusk takes the light away? Shadows do not take the light away, they simply cover the light. Shadows are blankets - cold, dark, and veiled. Darkness and light are both eternal. Sharpness does not take dullness away permanently, but it is a replacement for a finite amount of time. Or maybe, maybe it is only a distraction? Blades of silence...

Saturday 16 November 2013

The Starving

Must a wolverine see a starving woman to know that he eats well? Must a wolverine know what it truly means to eat well? Must a wolverine continue to grow fur in order to stay warm? His fur shall be slain as the seasons fade with time. Oh, lonely wolverine.

It's all comparisons, you know. Your relief versus my relief. Your pain versus my pain. Your elation versus my elation. Your sorrow versus my sorrow. God's thoughts versus man's thoughts. God's thoughts juxtaposed with the Devil's. Or maybe we are the devils?

Should we compare our circumstances? Is Monsieur Comparison a tyrannous, blood thirsty man who makes the buildings of day crumble? Is he a gentleman who places the bricks right where they belong, under the moon's glow at night? Is he somewhere in between these two depictions? When will the old man come around?

How can I avoid comparing? If I have knowledge of anything that's in contrast with my own experience, or maybe even parallel to my own experience, I will place it beside my own experience. Is my own experience my own experience?

Ninety Nine



Friday 15 November 2013

Que dois-je faire maintenant?

And I am left alone again. I suppose it only makes sense for left and alone to be used in the same sentence. Nobody says that they are "left in company," they say that they "remain in company." You left me. And where do I remain? Alone. But truly, I do not remain alone. For if I were to remain alone, I would not have mentioned being left in the first place. Remaining = consistency. And no, I do not wade through cyclical, ever pouring, river-esque loneliness. I sink, swim, rise. And then ... I sink, and I swim, and I rise. I was wrong, my loneliness is somewhat cyclical. But it is not chronic. It is my clumsy attempt at climbing the ladder in God's workshop. I always picture the workshop as being unkempt and dusty. Perhaps the window of God's workshop is the window into my own soul? Up, and up, and up (I'm so high!) ... oh, time to go back down. You must now touch the floor with your feet. I climb down and stand upon the profound recognition of a weakened, and blemished humanity. I climb up, only to squint at the abstract, perfect, and supernatural God. It is a wearisome task to utter the word perfect. I have yet to witness perfection. If God is my witness (Romans 1:9), and God is perfect, than why haven't I witnessed perfection? The carapace of human knowledge is not enough to keep me safe. Well, what would I need to be kept safe from? I don't know, and that's my problem - the fear of the unknown. I shouldn't say that I don't know. It's a monger of sorts. I see a silhouette, but I don't know the figure in full. What scares us more, what we know or what we don't know? We are scared to discover things that we do not know, about things which we perceive to know, and are therefore worried that these discoveries will ruin aspects of that perception. Not only are we afraid that these discoveries will ruin aspects of that perception, but we are especially worried that they will completely erase the heart of that perception. Still waiting.

Thursday 14 November 2013

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I do not understand how any action can deserve an eternity spent in Hell. I guess I am not to lean on my own understanding though (Proverbs 3:5) Jesus Christ, please give me the understanding to properly approach this topic I am wrestling with - if you see to it.

the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour which he does not know, and will cut him in pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Tuesday 12 November 2013

Why do we suffer?

Why do we suffer? I have heard different responses to this question, but I have never exactly heard an answer. I have never heard of an absolute solution to the question. Or at least, I have not felt the effects of the absolute solution. I could say it is God. I feel quite confident in that answer. But how do I feel confident in the answer when I have not felt the effects of what I perceive to be the answer? Reality and feeling are two different things. Yes, God is Reality, and God is Eternal, and Feeling is Finite, so Reality must be Eternal. I have not found an absolute solution for myself. Well, I have not felt it. Or maybe I have? Anyway, I am distant from the feeling tonight. This is more than a case of wondering; it is a search for healing during times of despair. But do I want the suffering to end? In some ways, I do. I HATE ANXIETY. But I do not have such a problem with sadness. No, with sadness come calmness. With sadness comes the quiet. I am fearful of sadness ending. Maybe it is not sadness in and of itself that I am fearful of losing, but what I obtain through sadness: the calmness. I may very well be afraid of losing sadness for that reason. I think I want to be calm. But I do not want to find peace where the others find peace. I desire something more esoteric, in theory. Who said I was not lying though?

Gloom of the Soul

Gloom of the soul
A cold sort of iron
and it's not in my blood

Discursive yet consistent
my rivers of saliva
drown bodies of reason

Yet my silence is so empty
my barren plains of solitude
the place where bodies starve

Gloom of the soul
Pour to feel poor
shackled to hold the crimes hostage

If Jesus bled on my behalf
then why is there blood on my hands?

Sunday 10 November 2013

Killing Time

A friend once told me
"Our demons are most apparent on Sunday"
And I was fascinated, so I listened

Another friend told me
"We lay on our beds and untangle our thoughts"
And as I laid there, I remembered

I saw that it was true
Time does not kill my eyes,
time rejuvenates them

And as I slept I found
that the very thing which wakes me up,
the very thing which keeps me alive,
was the very thing that made me think of death

I found death in a dream
and realized it is real
I found death in a dream
and realized life was real too

Wednesday 6 November 2013

Deception / Reception

I stare deeply into the eyes of the world
and see love as it sees love
From its pupils fall tears of grace
and I have yet to swim its hollow seas

The mind of the man is weakened
as the world stands up tall
The world says to love
yet the lover is left alone

Of grace and guilt
of love and lust
Your grace is a guile
and your love is a lie

The world knows not love
the world knows deception

I bask in memories
while resting behind stained glass
And from the pulpit fall the thoughts
of a once forgotten God

My memories become silent
as I realize where I am
Your grace is a smile
and your love is a life

Sunday 3 November 2013

f.a.i.t.h.

I am still waiting for you.

My expectancy ends up being emptiness,

but without expectancy I ...

I am left with disbelief.

And with disbelief I lack in faith,

and with a lack of faith I lack anything to hold.

What is faith if I am not faithful to ANYTHING?

I am faithful to expectancy, and not God.

I am faithful to SOMETHING.

Looks like I put my faith into the wrong elements.

Though I see myself in the mirror, I eventually turn around and look the other way.

But turning around and looking the other way does not indicate that I am no longer what I once saw in that mirror.

It only means that I do not see myself for who I really am.

Friday 1 November 2013

Life is running out

Life is cyclical - I mean, how many times have I asked the exact same questions on this blog? There's no resolve for those who seek to solve problems through reason.

Oh, if you could only grasp the problem I face. You probably see me for what I am - but do you know that I need you? I can't believe I just said that. I should only need God, not people. Why do I want people so badly?

I only talk to God to feel like I'm talking to myself. I dare not say that I hate praying, but it is tiring. Prayer and talking to God makes me weary. In what way can I sense that God is listening? I'm finite, and he's everlasting. We are oh so different! How could we possibly be able to connect?

The further away I am from you, the closer I realize you lay to my heart. How many times can I open up and let the blood flow without you growing weary? How many times can I spill without being washed out?

I like honest discussion. I like being honest. I have great people to talk to. Thank you God that I have good people to talk to. But who am I to these people? Do they like talking to me? If so, why do they like talking to me? And do I exemplify Christ when I talk to these people?

No matter how much I hurt for you, I can never seem to express all my care through words ... and that hurts. And for the times that I do express myself, my sincerity is likely masked by being utterly cliche.

It's so odd for me to weep, but it's not something that I desire to be so distant from. God, why can't I weep? Though I beg to weep, there's no life unto my tears. They simply lay dead behind my eyes. I would love to say that I cried for you. I am so eager, and I have many toxins to release. My tears come through my writings, but I just want for some REAL tears to come running out.

Thursday 31 October 2013

is your god really God?

A question asked by the post-hardcore band As Cities Burn in their song "Clouds."

My mind and spirit have stumbled upon a realization: I don't completely trust anybody's interpretation of God. It's like I can't help but feel uncomfortable every time I witness the theology of others. Then again, I don't seem to trust that many things. Can a misconception of God cause somebody to go to Hell? Personally, I don't submit to a particular type of theology (Calvinism, Arminianism, Prosperity Gospel, etc). To be honest, I don't actually know that much about theology in the first place. It's a subject that interests me, but I don't care about a label as much as I care about really following Jesus, and really knowing God. That is what I am after - at least, that's what I think I want to be after. I sure hope that's what I'm after. I don't care about following Jesus and knowing God as much as I should - I'm not even close to reaching those goals. I need to work on that. Or should I say - God needs to work through me, on his timing of course. God are you already working through me? Is there something in my life that is obstructing you from working through me? May I understand and grasp the teachings of Jesus. May I be the part you intend me to be in the body of Christ. May I take time to care for my soul. May I know you for who you truly are - even if it scares me, even if I don't naturally like it.

If people cannot gain salvation through actions, does that also mean they cannot lose salvation through actions?

Then again, what exactly is salvation? Would salvation exist without Heaven? Or would Heaven exist without salvation? What is Heaven? Yes, I think that Heaven would exist without salvation offered to humans. Heaven is God's home. But I am not God, so we'll leave that as a mystery for now.

I've also observed that I'm more worried about other people living "the good life" than I am about living "the good life" for myself. May my vain intentions be damned.

Except ... I don't want to let go of my vain intentions! I like some of them - they feel GOOD to me. Looks like I'm using the humanistic and secular definition of "good" though, hey?

Who is god to me? Who is god to you? Who is GOD?

Sunday 27 October 2013

Innocence

The sirens ring inside our ears
The burden weighs upon our hearts
Your whispers only make it louder
The scene outside is dark

Blue and red shine overhead
while the liar runs away
It's sad that I can't stop
that I can't stop her feigning

The car drives you off
into the blackness of the night
Your face is lit with lights
but your spirit remains dim

You're taken into freedom
yet the car looks like a hearse

For every free person
There is a slave

How can I be free
when I am a slave to freedom?

I never lost my innocence
because I had none to begin with

Thursday 24 October 2013

The Devil and the Wind


This post will be focusing on the idea of individualism. In this case, I am referring to the following definition: individual character, individuality. I will be arguing that such a thing does not really exist.

(sigh) I actually do not feel as though I can write. Could it be that I am mentally tired? Could it be that I do not care to expand upon this topic at the given moment? A ---> B.

If I were to be truly individual, I would not have traits such as emotions, feelings, sight, other senses. I would not be tired right now. Why? I did not create those parts. They came from other places. Those parts make me out to be WHO I AM (at a superficial level). I am an infrastructure of remnants from the past. It is history crawling toward the end. I did not start, I came later, I am here now, I have not finished. If you are reading, you have not finished. If I was truly an individual, I would not have a connection with anything external. So, who would I be if I was truly individual? I would be nothing.

Individualism is like chasing after wind. No, it is not. Rather, it is like chasing after the fallen leaves from the tree of life - which have been scattered by the wind. It is like finding the letters of God scattered in the streets, grasping the letters with your two hands, and claiming that you composed the written works. You did not write those letters! Oh, to find what falls from the tree of life, and what falls from the tree of death. Maybe God is the stillness, and the Devil is the wind?

Original artwork done by Alex Pardee for the album "In Love and Death" by The Used. This image looks slightly different than the original though. Hmmmm ... sorry, looks like I can't give proper credit.

Wednesday 23 October 2013

It's as if one of the only ways we can explain things is by saying more and more words. But words are nothing without definitions. And definitions are nothing without something to evoke their personal meanings. Is there anything more personal than words, letters, numbers? Something more personal than language, images, sounds, tastes, scents, feelings? What meaning rests behind these mechanical operations?

Sunday 20 October 2013

The Betrayer

I'm pressing on while I'm falsifying love
It's a word everyone's heard
But nobody really knows its depth

Love and hate lay underneath
the skin of the blamed

And I will beg for your mercy
because I know you have it all

And I will tell you everything
because I need your love

I'm stepping back while I'm drowning in my hate
It's a word which became a world
and everybody's seen it

Love and hate go above
the sins of the shamed

And I will beg for your mercy
because I have none at all

To see tears run down your face
it made my body shake
and yet I felt happy
because you cared

I was pathetic
I was selfish
I am still pathetic
I am still selfish

My lust used your love
and left us both shivering

And for that I'm sorry
I'm sorry I made you cry
I'm sorry I was so selfish

I was never looking for love
I was only looking for admiration

Saturday 19 October 2013

FICTION

I hope that you're all happy. Yes, all of you. Thanks for subjecting me to scrutinize literature from the 1600s - not to mention fictitious literature. I can't say that I understand the benefit of all this. Why should we be so concerned with fiction? Fake people, fake lives, fake places. There are real lives to live, real places to visit, real people to meet. I'm especially surprised that I'm being assigned this, considering this progressive culture we live in (hope you can see my sarcasm, as I don't really see a lot of worthwhile progress being made). Shut up Graham, you're not doing anything to help either. Dear mind, you are correct. Why must I be so agitated by inanimate objects, like books? Because I have to find paths within the mind that can lead me to the goals. But I can't find the paths - it's too foggy! I'm too tired. My brain can't take many more steps. Oh, how I want some euphoria! A piece of me is missing which I desire to have at the moment. Maybe not a piece of me, but a piece which was implanted by an external force inside of me, which is now absent. Yes, that's what it is. (sigh) I actually kind of miss when I didn't correct myself on what I was saying all of the time.  What's the point of unraveling when I'm left empty handed? What's the point if I don't even know what this external force is? Something in me says it's God. Honestly, it seems as though life is spent taking guesses at who God is. I actually want to see who God is, I think? Can I just see it already? How can something finite like a human find something which is infinite? You don't become more strong the more you endure pain. At least, you don't gain absolute strength. Until somebody finds absolute strength, I don't really care about gradually gaining more strength. Why should I even gain more when I can't have it all? Am I selfish for asking that? I just want the truth, instead of a myth for once.

Wednesday 16 October 2013

The Burden of the Mind


















Knowledge contains no ledge which man can climb onto
It is a plateau disguised as progress
Adam and Eve rest among the ides,
simply caught in between

She May come to March
July was jealous of October's eyes
There were 15 sins for every victory,
and 13 stomachs for all the food we ate (eight)

Every unraveling begins with a knot
The more I find,
the more disoriented I become
It's the burden of the mind

Saturday 12 October 2013

Apart

Has every prayer turned to greed?
Are you really apart from God?
Or is the facade simply a part of you?
Completely apart, or under an impression
that says "God is not completeness"

Sleep awakens the silent parts inside
Every branch of knowledge
contains the fruit of something evil

You are alone
and there is nobody
There is no sky above,
there is no ground below
You have not an ear to hear

Who would you be
if you were truly all alone?

Thursday 10 October 2013

The Cynic

It's easier to become what you don't want to become, and more difficult to not become what you want to become (Romans 7:21-25). It was only months ago, not even a year ago, that I put so much care into my identity. It was almost like an out of body experience when I reflect upon it. I was sitting inside a workshop where the walls were adorned with expectations, and selfish pleasures. I still care about who I am, but I don't care so much about my identity in and of itself. I'm practically on the other side of where I was! Is it the right place to be? Oh God, I hope it is. It's easier to be where I was than where I am now - so I think.

Getting back to the subject of pleasure, there is of course a greater temptation to bask in sadness if you ignore what pleases your physical body. But the goal of my life shouldn't be to satisfy every bodily craving should it? People hurt and kill God's creation just for the sake of personal satisfaction - that's not good is it? Personal satisfactions are not good in and of themselves, and they are not wrong in and of themselves. What do I desire and why do I desire it? Who, apart from myself, do my desires affect? What do my desires affect?

I have a soul to find that's buried deep inside of me. I have a God to find. I must connect to the Spirit - the one, true Spirit. How can I trust initial sights and opinions when I live in a post-Christian culture?

Well, that sure shifted quickly! I started writing with a numb feeling, which then progressed into a euphoric feeling, and now I'm ending with a feeling of defeat inside of me.

Sunday 6 October 2013

It Would be Easy

It has been five months since my feet were last planted on the grounds of Thetis Island. It would be easy to say that I miss the island. It would be easier to say that I miss the people. It would be easy to excuse the idea that I miss both the island and the people. Do I miss the island and the people? Absolutely - but I don't say that without some hesitation. Honestly, I am very saddened that I don't get to see some of the people there anymore. I miss Telegraph Harbour Marina, I miss the shores, I miss that strange tree that grew out of the ground horizontally to form a path of sorts. By missing these things, does that mean that they are my idols? Why do I miss these things in the first place? I believe that I miss them because God worked through the people I met on that island. Here is a reworded quote (since I don't remember the exact quote) from Joel Childs: "You realize how much they [the people] cared about you, and you realize that you also cared about them." Maybe God isn't so difficult to find. Maybe I only attach his existence to things I used to have - things I didn't realize he was even working through at the time. Oh, how I have such trouble embracing the present.

Friday 4 October 2013

Who Are We?

I do not sense as though I amount to anything - that is, myself in and of itself.

Psalm 113 says:

For You formed my inward parts;

You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

I'm sure that a lot of people find gladness when they read this passage. To know that you were formed by the one Holy God should make you feel good about yourself, right?

Did God give a soul to every body? Does he form each physical body? Does he only form the soul of those who embrace him? Is our conscience a part of the soul?

Does anything come into existence from humanity in and of itself? Is there anything that's really "ours to own?" Of course, a lot of things come through humanity, but what is humanity in and of itself?

I've come to believe (and be saddened by) this idea: the only true creators are God and the Devil. One might argue against this idea and say: "Well, what about all of the paintings, the music, the films, which have been created by humans over the years?" The art in and of itself may have been created with human hands, but where did those hands come from? Where did the idea of mixing sounds, and paints, and visuals together come from? How did you obtain your senses to create art, and interpret art? What message are you communicating through your hands? What exactly are you saying with your mouth (and especially your heart)? What are your visuals portraying? Why do you want your audio or visuals to portray that? Will your art affect the human soul in any way? Are you only selfish and begging for attention?

If in fact God and the Devil are the only two creators, than that's my problem. IT MAKES ME FEEL WORTHLESS. Wouldn't that just make me a partial God and occasional Devil? Is this what humility among humanity feels like? Why can't I just be me? Is the idea of "being truly unique" only a facade? Who are we as people? What are we?



(Drawing created by: rusel1989.deviantart.com)

Tuesday 1 October 2013

A Place Between Light and Darkness


"A Place Between Light and Darkness" releases today. This is the first official music project of mine that is not Dalama Jones. Here are the download links:

AUDIO: includes the music, lyrics, and a personal journal from myself

VISUALS: includes album cover, pictures, videos 

Monday 30 September 2013

Look At You

It wasn't until I looked at you
that I wondered "how do I look at myself?"
I bury hope in the back of my mind
Lusting over the chance that someone else will find
what I've been looking for my entire life

I'm left wondering "where in Hell is Heaven now?"
And then I look down at my feet
and I can see the ground

I hold patience inside of these closed fists
as I look toward the sky
Emotions are a void and a vice
Avoid its advice and find true delight

God knocks at the door
while Hell is left screaming underneath the floor

Don't compose a definition for life
but let life itself compose you

I'm left wondering "where in Hell is Heaven now?"
And then I look down at my feet
and I can see the ground
and I remember that I'm still walking home

I remember that I'm still walking home

Sunday 29 September 2013

Wonderful

I'm constantly searching for some spiritual, esoteric treasure. A part of me is so very driven to find that. But, will I ever be able to find this gorgeous treasure, if I can't even imagine anything as being truly wonderful?

Friday 27 September 2013

Rest In Torment

I sense as though I am unable to express myself through personally composed poetry, so I will use the following piece of music to express those feelings for me. That being said, this song is not a completely accurate depiction of my mourning. In certain ways, I can relate to it though. The main subject within R.I.T. by The Devil Wears Prada is suicide, but it also includes sub-themes such as: self-deprecation, loneliness, depression, etc. I am not in a suicidal situation, but I personally struggle with things like self-deprecation and depression. When I am lonely, it's usually my own fault. I am in a place of life (and have been for the past 3.5 years) where I am very introverted. I don't consider that trait as something God-given, or God-rebelling exactly, but it's where I'm at right now. I don't exactly like being with people, and I don't exactly like being by myself. Most times, I wish that I were somewhere else. I'm constantly looking for contentment, but I can't seem to hold onto it for all that long. Anyway, I would say that I especially struggle with self-deprecation. It is such a bad habit to fall into, but I'm trying to climb out. I've been wondering to myself: "it must be really bothersome to the people around me?" Therefore, I am trying to stop. It's not healthy for others, it's not healthy for me, so it's time to lay it to rest.

The Devil Wears Prada - R.I.T.

Turn your back now: lose yourself in hesitation.
Dancing, dancing, always dancing, and staring at the floor.
The sun came out just long enough to go down.

She shows the symptoms of being my suicide.
I’m holding you to blame for this. I won’t stop selling myself short.
The broken windows: all of the glass. Knife in my hand: the questions I've asked.
I dream about her more nights than not. I can’t drown this away. (I can’t drown this away)

With every single move that you make, you come closer to breaking me.
With every single breath that I take, you push further from helping me (but you can’t, you can’t).
I’m pulling the weight again. With every single move that you make, I come closer to ending me.

I blame myself, and it’s not the first time. You see me for what I am: damaged.
Turn your back now: I will bask in the blackness of my darkest days.

With every single move that you make, you come closer to breaking me.
With every single breath that I take, you push further from helping me
(but you can’t, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t).
I’m pulling the weight again. With every single move that you make,
I come closer to ending me. Self-loathing me.

Tuesday 24 September 2013

Sleeptalking

A part of me really likes chasing after answers. Conclusions can be just frightening though. Sometimes it's the dystopia of the mind, and other times it's the utopia. It's either Gotham city (Batman) or Mushroom Kingdom (Super Mario). For the record, I like Spider-Man a lot more than Batman. I've been having some pretty strange dreams lately. I have been just exhausted too, and even sleep for up to two hours in the afternoon. I've never been drunk on alcohol, but I think I feel hung over when I wake up. My emotions are numb, my head hurts, my brain is fuzzy like a lost channel on the television, my body aches. Like I mentioned in an earlier post (http://stiltstoheaven.blogspot.ca/2013/08/reflections-on-sleep.html), sleep reveals to me the profound desires within, and sometimes ones which are more obvious. Sometimes I see such beauty in my dreams, and I want to see that when I'm awake. Occasionally, my dreams include such fun and splendor. It's not always hard for me to see beauty when I'm awake, but I almost always wish that I were somewhere else. I'm really missing some people right now, some people I may never see again. Goodbye is not simply a word, but it is a distance that will leave an impression on you. Some things I desire aren't seen in my waking state or in my sleep, which is twice as disappointing. Lately I have been dreaming about sleeping. What makes my waking state any more real than my sleeping state? I am too eager. I'm either an eager Giant Sloth or an eager Giant Hamster.












Monday 23 September 2013

Veils

Bride of Christ, Christ the Groom, Church the Bride, veil covers face, veil keeps vision from being clear, yet the Church must keep on walking down the aisle toward God. Life is like a cathedral.

Sunday 22 September 2013

Musical Gems from 2013

Most of these weren't even released in 2013, but I've enjoyed listening to these albums this year. 

1. MC Forty & Clutch - Sleeping Showers

This is an artistic Hip-Hop record, in which the main lyrical theme is depression. It's emotional, odd, and very personal. Musically speaking, I can't compare it to any other album - definitely not a carbon copy. Check out: Goodnightrous, Double Dope, Don't Fear the Unknown


You can download the album for free on Bandcamp:

http://mcforty.com/album/sleeping-showers



2. Silverstein - Discovering the Waterfront


This will remind you why you used to love or hate emo music. It took some time for Silverstein to grow on me, but now I enjoy their music quite a lot! Best songs: The Ides of March, Discovering the Waterfront, My Heroine, Three Hours Back




3. Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d city


This is a dark and graphic album that focuses on issues such as: alcohol / drug abuse, gang violence, and prostitution, among other topics. The main theme is fighting against the evil that the world offers us, and searching for something better. Favorite song: Sing About Me, I'm Dying of Thirst




4. AFI - Sing the Sorrow


My friend Chad got me into this band (I hope you read this, by the way). AFI is a band that sets well composed, profound poetry to catchy, aggressive, emotional music. Davey Havok has a killer set of lungs. Favorite songs: Dancing Through Sunday, Girl's Not Grey, The Leaving Song, ...But Home is Nowhere




5. Anathallo - Canopy Glow


I wasn't sure how this album would compare to Floating World, but I like this one even more. Anathallo is my favourite Folk / Indie band. Favorite joints: The River, Cafetorium, All the First Pages




6. Good Charlotte - The Chronicles of Life and Death


You can make fun of Good Charlotte all you want, but I'll still like them. This album has a Pop Punk sound that could only come from 2004. The lyrics revolve around: suicide, pressure that's evoked by the media, relationships, and putting faith in God despite dark times (along with other subjects). My favorite songs: SOS, Predictable, Secrets, The Truth, We Believe




7. AFI - Decemberunderground


This album is quite a bit different than Sing the Sorrow, but it's still very enjoyable. It has more experimental, electronic elements. I'd also say it's more catchy, and that it contains more of a Pop feel to it. It's not all Pop though, as it still has those Post-Hardcore / Punk vibes that their past material had. Best tracks (and no, I'm not including the single Miss Murder): Summer Shudder, The Interview, The Killing Lights  




8. Number One Gun - The North Pole Project


This album is a masterpiece. Jeff Schneeweis wrote, performed, recorded, and produced the entire album by himself (minus the scarce amount of guest vocals / musicianship / whatever). It's most obvious that he's skilled as a vocalist, but his drum work, programming, production, and guitar work are all well executed (among other musical qualities that I may have missed). Listen to: Million, Wake Me Up, The Different Ones, This Holiday


Initial Conclusions

The concluding goodness is often reached after initial problems or suffering. If we didn't experience problematic situations, would we recognize or feel the goodness? Is obtaining that goodness worth the problems we go through to reach it? 

Saturday 21 September 2013

Friday 20 September 2013

The Absence

Oxygen flows from my lungs, 
but my soul stands still.
Does my soul stand at all,
or is it only buried beneath a grave?


My heart weeps for you!
I know you're somewhere,
but that doesn't mean you're here.


I'll come running through the graveyard
just to feel the warmth of a memory.

So distant from the moon,
yet somehow, it's God's glow.


I'll lay myself down on the dead grass,

and forget the brightest shades of green.

Why can't I see you?
Does my absence hurt you?







Thursday 19 September 2013

When the Bravest Lions Shy Away

For my Philosophy class in university, I was assigned to read Euthyphro by Plato. I have quite a few notes written which relate to this selection (some personal, some from the professor), and the goal of this post is to elaborate on a few of the ideas which are suggested in this text.

Is it wrong that Socrates upsets me? Is it wrong that I think he is an advocate of circular logic? It appears as though he desires absolute truth, but no answer seems to be sufficient for him. He asks questions, but I’m not so sure if he truly wants to find any answers. Did he really want to make conclusions? Did he only want to be right? He's just like me! Or maybe, I'm just like him. I mean, he did come and go before me (469 / 470 BC - 399 BC). And maybe that’s why I don’t like him? After all, an individual arguably has more conflict with themselves, than with any other person / group.

Here is one of the main conflicts within the text: is it pious of Euthyphro to prosecute his father for murdering a murderer? Euthyphro believes that it is, but Socrates is undecided on the matter. Socrates says to Euthyphro "Tell me, then, what is piety, and what is impiety?" 

From that point on, their discussion becomes quite circular. 

The following quote is not taken from the written selection Euthyphro, but it is an outside statement which was said by Socrates: "The unexamined life is not worth living." But dearest Socrates, is the examined life worth living if you won't accept any answers? What's the purpose in searching if you aren't finding? This man must know how I feel. No matter how hard you try to find something worth holding onto, you always seem to return to that state of feeling empty handed.

Okay, that's as much as I can write about this. I simply cannot write anymore. I'll save my breath for the essays. I've been working on this for days.

I will now conclude with a couple of questions. Would Socrates have been obstructed from recognizing good morals without The Bible or Jesus Christ on earth? Where did the ancient Greek gods get their morals from?

Wednesday 18 September 2013

Is Sight Trustworthy?

The following quote is an excerpt from the psychology textbook that I'm reading for university. "Scientists do not accept ideas on faith or authority, their motto is "Show me!"  This post is not meant to discredit or be rude toward scientists, but its intention is to challenge this idea.

Faith has numerous definitions: 

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability

2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact

3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims

4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty

5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith 

This logic may be fighting against the second definition of faith, but it still pertains to the first definition listed, which I think means that these "anti-faith scientists" are indeed acting on some form of faith. So what makes that faith better than the second faith?

Sound, sight, smell, touch, taste. I'm sure we could throw some other physical senses in there too though, such as thinking and hearing.

Sure, this logic may succeed in physical, scientific experiments, but is it wise to use this logic in regards to finding the absolute truth (if it does really exist)? Is it worth putting faith into something like sight? I mean, think of how easy it is to lose that ability - think of how easy it is to lose any of those abilities. These are not solid foundations. 

I personally believe that reality can't be confined by our physical senses. I believe that fragments of true reality can be sensed by humans, but that the cause exists somewhere else. All proven, confirmed, factual advancements which have been made on earth were missing for some period of time, yet they were eventually discovered. This must indicate that the cause exists outside of earth. If reality was intrinsic to physicality, specifically to the earth, we would have had it from the beginning. We would know everything; we wouldn't have to be searching for it. This displays that we don't immediately sense everything that exists. If our findings are limited by time, and our senses die with time, than how is it trustworthy to put faith into those senses, in order to find absolute answers?

You may be wondering to yourself "Why did Graham bring up the truth when it wasn't even mentioned in the quote?" Well, you know, I'm not even sure if what I wrote makes sense. I honestly don't exactly understand my own arguments. I guess I just sensed an opportunity to make pro-faith statements. This was fun.

Tuesday 17 September 2013

Why should I be?

I'm just asking questions. These are questions that I don't understand the reasoning to - the reasoning as to why I'm asking them in the first place. I believe that you can ask questions just for the sake of asking questions, but I'm not trying to do that here. I think there's something quite profound about these questions. I'm not trying to complain either.

Why should anybody feel sorry for me?

Why should I feel sorry for anyone?

Why should I be happy when someone out there is happier than I am?

Why should I be sad when someone out there is sadder than I am?